you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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