gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
