guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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