Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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