A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
