dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
