He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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