I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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