Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
