So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
