Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We are all done wearing pants today
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
