i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
