Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
