apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
