he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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