but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
