She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
