the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
