I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
