dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
