Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
