you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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