if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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