OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
