We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
