i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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