can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
