She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
