3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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