apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
COCAINE IS GR8
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
