You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
