I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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