Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
