If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
