I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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