she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
