i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
