I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My ATM looks so different sober.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize