I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sex in a hospital.. check
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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