Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
