Need sex. Gaining weight.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
