i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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