Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
