dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
