I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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