Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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