yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found your dick twin last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
