I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
