love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
