Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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