ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
