Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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