I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
