Sry I called you an 8
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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