At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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