I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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