Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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