I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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