Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We left an ass print on the piano.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
