I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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