I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They have beer where we have blood.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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