You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize