Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
