Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
