Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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