My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
