Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
