Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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