so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
