they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
