If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
