thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
