i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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