She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
