Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
