the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
