Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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