How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
