It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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