OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
