Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
