And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
