found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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