I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize