then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
