What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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