any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
