I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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