Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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