Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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