3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
