I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
