i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
